Hormone Replacement Therapy!!!

Sooo its Thursday 21st of March 2024….OK thats it…my “new” faze of life, so to speak! What do I do with myself…how do I overcome the craziness in my head…my hormones raging…which I have to say feels exactly like when I got Post Natal Illness after one of my babies!

I wake in a morning, I have long curly locks of red hair ( like that’s not bad enough, I hear you say), I look like an untamed lion…a puffed up face and ummm extra baggage on my hips…(that’ll be for the cream puffs I secretly stuffed in my mouth at 1am this morning, whilst all through the house was quietly sleeping) I stood looking at myself in the full length mirror, with my eyes half asleep…I groaned and cursed that same mirror for not being the ” right piece of glass”, I mean it can’t be that bad…right?

Anyway, I digress…I am on my 2nd HRT patch…I stick it on my behind, just for reference…my husband finds this very humorous and asks if I need a hand…I bark at him like a ravenous dog! “Do I look like I need a hand”…

We only have 2 children at home now…my older ones have flown the nest…our younger ones 13 amd 10…must think I’m ok…I am OK!

I’m hot, I am 45…and I am a whole new person…a crazy person..yes but nevertheless I am new….

And god forbid anyone asks me if the baby factory has “shut up shop” one more time!

I’ve decided that only my dog, the love of my life…truly understands me….his ears must be bleeding listening to all the talk that comes out of my mouth…but still…he listens…he looks at me with those little chocolate brown eyes and he loves me, that is perfect for me. I love him!!!

Well thats my piece of get it all of your chest today…….

Has it been 7 years???

Wow, 7 years ago almost to the day.. I made my last post! 😳

Well, how time has flown by. It has gone incredible fast…so much has happened, not only to me but to the whole world…

I hope this sees you all well and still writing.

So it’s a happy new year even though its February.

I’m going to be writing quite a lot…I need to empty this little writers head of mine…

Keep your eyes peeled won’t you!

For now I shall bid you goodnight 😁

IS THIS LIVING IN HELL!!!???

So i start my Blog by saying hello to my readers and that i hope this finds you safe and well!!!

I started my journey writing my blogs, mind you i have only written a few but thats nothing i cant change is it!!

So we have been having ALOT of problems with our 21 year old daughter, long story short she is a real nightmare, hard work to the core, without actually knowing she has done anything at all.

Its like a nightmare everyday and night and i dont think i can take anymore, i dont know if she is bi-polar or schizophrenic, but its coming between everything i do…..my relationship with all 3 of her brothers especially the oldest of the boys who is just shy of 18, but mostly its really coming between my relationship between my other half…its never been easy, because she has been doing all these things for many many years.

I am not in the mood to talk let alone have a relationship, im feeling trapped, urgently wanting to get out, just grab my bags and walk, but i would never leave my babies.

Im finding myself so annoyed from the minute i wake, even bad dreams when i am asleep, im having a flare up of PTSD and i can tell you its so hard to not tell everyone to leave me alone.

I dont know which sand mound to bury my head in, but this is too much.

Why does my own daughter feel the need to play games, destroy me and grind me into the floor, well i think i brought this on myself because i never executed many if any rules as she was growing up, she got to this age and if i tell her to do a thing, she unleashes hell on us then cant remember what she has done.

Either way im fed up of going to battle every single day, its not a battle if i am completely silent and have no voice, if i so much as pipe up all hell breaks loose.

 

The Clique Minus One.

Such an awesome, curious piece of writing, keep up the good work friend!

A Hound's Tell

Hoping to see her around every corner; I was already looking to my left.
I saw them before they saw me.
It was the clique minus one, just the three.
“This is it.”
They never went anywhere without the Lieutenant and they had no reason to be so close to my barracks.
I did the math: {they’re here to collect me.} I choked, knees liquefied. I heard the Captain: “John!”
I knew this day would come.
I felt the left knee buckle. I had it scoped a year earlier and I knew it was going to give to gravity. I fought it and allowed the right knee to give out sooner in order to control my fall and catch myself on the hand railing to my right. I managed to hang my armpit on the railing, I was kneeling. I climbed up to standing and squeezing steel. “John, John; we…

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Arghhhh ThreadWorms!!!!!!!

THREAD WORMS!!!!!!!!!

Well it scares me to say that my 1st blog is titled THREAD WORMS, but whilst these little beasts exist in our world I have never EVER come across them in the 21 years that I have been a mother, that is until last Friday!!!!
Our 6 year old son wakes up crying (he doesn’t usually get fazed by a thing, so isn’t much of a crier) I ask him what’s wrong?
“My bum is itchy and stingy” he says back.
Ok so into the bathroom we go, where I take a look!
I honestly scratched my head thinking he had dry skin round his little behind UNTIL I look closer and saw them there!!!!!!
“What is it?” He asked me.
I stand up, wide eyed with shock horror!
“Hmmm nothing my darling, its just a bout of worms” (how could I say such a thing)

Crying my beautiful baby turns to me with such fear, and started crying out “worms! I’ve got worms coming out my bum?”

Anyway, my husband to be got the medicine we all needed and we took it, the same day! I have been spring cleaning, washing, scrubbed everything in site, now our 2 year old has them! It seems the Ovex takes a while to work, and we need to re-treat on day 14!!!
We are a very clean family, our little Joshua got these I think from the big trampoline park we went to, but I cant be sure for he also bites his nails when he’s anxious about something, so it could of been anywhere.
I am horrified by the look of these little pests, I hate worms ect, especially if they are on my babies!!!

I swear I know how to use Instagram?

Well hello there and kind greetings my WordPress friends 😊 you’d never believe that it is December 2016 and one week ago I got myself an Instagram for the first time ever ( I know right 😲) its actually going really well, all I do is take a picture and write a caption with it, it’s fun and creative and so much bloody easier than good ole Twitter, but you see I love Twitter and do you know why? Well let me tell you, I like a challenge and I feel like on twitter you have to almost work for your followers, its a pretty cool place to be nothing like Facebook, I find FB unbelievably boring its like a “Dear diary I hate and snoop on everyone’s lives kind of place” BUT anyway I’ve found a new love and that love os called Instagram 💖 hope Twitter understands but if it likes I will still be there regularly writing my beloved quotes etc and updating on my books ( that coincidently I haven’t had an offer of a publish of sorts yet, I’m patient though) so hope your all enjoying yourselves and looking forward to all the upcoming festivities because i know I am with my loved ones 😊 for now take care friends. 😘

 

 

you

The End Of A Chapter.

How is it i have come to the end of my first ever book? I have sat staring at it for what seems like forever.

So i have finished and i was completely ecstatic, i mean wow what an amazing achievement  if not for anyone else then for myself, so now i come to the searching my already literary agents etc, writing a great query letter and a synopsis..I think that as writers you will all appreciate how “hard” they actually are to produce.

I have been sitting here for two days (amongst all the family stuff going on around me) i have seriously written so many things, just on these two things alone that i have filled a Pukka Pad, it really is mind boggling to me. I understand that a Synopsis is to basically tell my story in short (not a blurb in anyway) but to me its crazy that i am finding it so hard to tell it with the points i want to stand out to the agent, i fear they will look at it (when it is done of course) and roll their eyes thinking the story is no good.

I am quite a pessimistic person really, i wasn’t really blessed with the power of optimism, i mean i am not COMPLETELY pessimistic, i am just a worrier.

I have not once suffered writers block whilst typing up my beloved book, but i really am struggling now, i have started but i closed my pad and played with the children instead.

I don’t really know how to plan it out and so on.

At the end of the day i WILL get it done, like tonight maybe.

I am tired from thinking and although some people think that’s a bad thing, my brain does mysterious things when i am like that, its like everything is crystal clear, so i know it will come to me it is only a matter of time.

And That Is A Wrap!

Greetings followers, hope you are all doing well and enjoying your writings, whatever they may be.

Today was an extremely important day for me, a major achievement for i wrapped up writing my book! (Wow i say to myself how the heck did you manage that girl, what with all five other people in your household needing that constant stream of attention everyday, well i did it FINALLY).

I have been through it so many times i think i could read it backwards. I have sifted through it so many times with a fine tooth comb that i can only imagine i will kick myself if something else pops up on me now, but here’s hoping and fingers crossed and all that jazz.

I have been researching literary agents for a few years now (may as well be ahead of my own game right? plus i like to try my best to be prepared and ready for things when i need them) i have the list in front of me and all their details and requirements etc.

I feel so excited “I am prepared for the rejection letter” i say in a sing song voice, to which Michal my husband to be rolls his eyes and mutters “Yes dear, anything you say darling” in all truth the realistic thought of me being rejected is not a very wonderful thought for him i can tell you, but i am optimistic and that is all that matters at this point.

So i am on my way, if not for any other reason, then for myself! I have juggled being a stay at home mother, dirty nappies, family this and that’s and everything you could more or less imagine, BUT i set my goal years ago and although i am a little late in starting this whole process…i have done it and i am one happy mama i can tell you.

I could go on but i shall leave it there for it is ten PM and my children have decided they want pizza ON A WEEK NIGHT …the older ones i mean and since i am helping my five year old back from chicken pox and a sore throat because they are EVERYWHERE you can imagine, plus i am still nursing my two year old that seems to think it funny to have me run up and down stairs all night.

So i gave in and made them pizza meanwhile running back and forth trying to write my bloody Blog.

Moral of the day- Do not eat pizza late at night if you suffer heartburn (I do not take heed of my own advice really do i )

Goodnight my friends.

Rainy Saturdays

As i sit this morning at my kitchen side typing up my Blog, i have the kitchen windows behind me wide open and of course we have been waiting for some rain, any little bit of rain, you see the weather has been sweltering hot, to the point that when Michal (the lovely husband to be) comes in from a night shift, he cant believe his eyes whether in a good or bad way, because lets face it, even though i am ease with my post baby body and so is he i do have a habit of standing naked in the big mirror and squeezing my little apple tummy and shouting Michal over “Hey babe, its the mirror that makes me look like that isn’t it? We REALLY do need a new mirror”.

I hear the mamas out there laughing and nodding in tune to my asking of such a question. Thing is maybe i am not at such ease with this post baby body, in my mind though (Excuses, excuses i know) i am STILL breastfeeding our little one even though he is two years old and it is slowing down now and i just don’t exercise like i should.

I got Michal to take me to the supermarket and i kid you  not i think i bought ever exercise outfit in there, purple sports bra, matching leggings and bright pink sneakers or trainers, i hate pink, but id seen them on the plus size mannequin and my mind said “Go for it, you will look great!” so even if they are still hanging in the wardrobe, the point is every time i open the wardrobe and they look me dead in the face, the bright colours are saying “come on put me on, show me what your made of, you can do it” and so everyday i think  “Right nows the time” then i close the wardrobe and get out my laptop to finish up writing my book, then i start feeling a bit lousy, so i grab myself just one Kitkat bar (WARNING=complete fabrication, i mean three) and stuff my face.

In the garage i have myself a running machine and elliptical trainer to use, the first time i used the latter i almost collapsed with heart failure or something, this is new to me!!

Before having the two youngest, i had been a runner since the age of twelve, i won an award when i was fourteen for beating the British army in an assault course race, i was an Army Cadet, and busting a gut to live the rest of the foreseeable future  in army life. I believed i was better than most of the males in my team.

Fast forward years later, I’m tired mentally and psychically, but i figured out that when you have two kids five and under plus a teen and a twenty year old, this requires much more strength  than i ever needed then, plus i am older, my fitness is diabolical and i am almost five stone heavier than i was then, well lets not beat around the bush no more, i need to stop with all the crap and move my ass, i am thirty seven and moving this and improving my fitness will be harder than when i was twenty five.

I tried Slimming World, but i eat little and far too often, they eat MASSIVE meals, its just too much for me in one go, so i dropped out. I will lose it better with pure exercise.

Anyhoo i shall leave it there for today, it is far too hot in here.

Realistic goal for tonight when the kids are in bed= Get them damn clothes on and make this body work right again!!!!!

TrueNorth right?

Break-In’s :(

Good morning all! I hope this finds you all safe and well.

Well i shall start this by saying i wish we had more protection laws in the UK, now i am not a person who is up to date on the laws etc on an intruder in your home, but if my children are in bed and i hear an intruder something does happen to my mind and i kind of flip out, which is a normal instinct of fear isn’t it.

So last night my great friend, godmother of  children and people i class as our family, sent me a message telling me to lock all my doors, windows etc, it was 12Am and she was still up, her husband (Godfather to our kids also) was asleep in bed ready for work for in the morning. She heard the patio doors sliding open at the back, now thank god we all have dogs round here, for her dog went ballistic, My friend went to see what it was and her dog had obviously chased the person over the gate.

I have PTSD due to something that happened like this years ago, but it turned out much much worse for me, my ex-husband and our two kids. I have in the 16 years since learnt to control this god awful disorder, but when me and my husband to be met, and before we had the youngest two children, we lived in an upstairs apartment, luckily the older two kids were at their grandparents, but someone came looking for the person living downstairs and long story short they kicked my door into pieces, i would not let my hub to be near them, i grabbed the biggest kitchen knife and chased them off, i was scared out my mind, and it led me to snap and try to chase them down.

Later on they committed a violent crime and were apprehended.

The fact is i have everything in my head, flashbacks, escape routes and although you may think crazy person, i am still here to tell the story years later, many are not.

Moral of the story…I am a mother, i have a mothers instinct, if an intruder comes into our home, i am then have the instinct of a mother bear

When all is said and done i will make sure to triple check my doors.