I know, I know, you think someone stole my identity! Well not my paper ID but my person ID.
Its been almost 21yrs since I had my daughter (Gabs) so all in all I had a baby at 16,21,32,35! It’s been quite the ride i can tell you, but a ride I would never change (unless I’m sleep deprived of course because then I stand up to my red haired nature).
My family here are the most important part of my life and I truly do dedicate my all to them (unless someone brings me chocolate, then I turn into this creature who runs about looking for a safe place to hide so I don’t need to share it) they have always been so so important to me.
BUT and that is a big but…..i did for a long time lose my identity, I never meant to but it just happened one day.
I think its mainly because from the age 12 i have gone from home to home, not really planting roots anywhere, and not not particularly forming a great bond or feel of being love, need or anything.
Its not really any surprise that i ended up with a baby at sixteen is it!?
I heard people say my life was ruined and i should get an abortion!
“Don’t be ridiculous” i thought with this baby will come a new future, a chance to feel unconditional love and need. Nothing i had felt growing up, and if one thing was for sure, this child that grew inside me was going to grow up feeling everything i never.
We have had our teenage dramas but i can tell you, i dedicated my whole life to bringing her up in a stable environment and i guess i got it about 90 per cent right! She is my beautiful girl and i am one proud mama at the way she turned out.
I find myself wondering that even though i worked damn hard through the years, college, a bit of UNI, constant going to work, etc that once my kids are older, what happens to me then?????
Me and Michal keep talking about this and even though we have years before we have a child free home, he reminds me “don’t worry babe, the house will be full of grand children by then”.
So i sit and smile to myself and think of our lives with a ton of grand-children by 4 of our kids, you know what? our future will be so fun, we have many a roller coaster to ride yet!
I may be 37 years of age but i have had an extremely colourful one at that i am very happy to of lived.